Things That Are Wrong

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1. Jim Gordon’s apartment in Gotham. Goddamnit, he’s a rookie cop. What is he doing living in the DUMBO Clock Tower? I always thought the comics’ portrayal of his simple family life in the suburbs was one of its strengths. Now Barbara owns an art gallery or something? What the fuck? TV execs, stop being so uncomfortable with the middle class! I bet the people responsible for this decision were also in favor of Meryl Streep’s character renovating her perfect, enormous kitchen in It’s Complicated. “Well, yeah, I mean it only has room to hang every spotless copper pot she owns, plus there’s a restaurant-quality industrial stove. Yuck. Major facelift needed.”

2. Wedding diet contagion. In olden times, only the bride fell prey to the idea that weddings are about being thin. Nowadays, whenever there’s a wedding, everyone on the guest list gets all crazy about needing to lose weight. I’ve seen a groom give up carbs. I’ve seen a best man go on a juice cleanse. I’ve seen an aunt who is merely attending up her Curves attendance by 50%. FUCK THAT SHIT. Stop living vicariously through the bride’s sexism-enforced body dysmorphia! Enjoy the buffet and calm the fuck down. You can’t even see your body in those photo booth pictures.

3. When you have to try six times to come up with a “secure” enough password for something like Goodreads. I’m not really that concerned about someone hacking in and… what, changing my Favorites to be all Dilbert collections? Nah, I’m good. Maybe my password doesn’t need uppercase letters, lowercase letters, a number, a special character, a webding, AND an emoji?

4. When ads in the subway unsuccessfully pander to New Yorkers. You see this all the time. Advertisers try to be down with real New Yorkers, but they end up representing a New York experience that only tourists have. For example, there’s an ad for a detergent that can even get out the mustard from “that hot dog you had on the street.” Um, you guys know we call them Dirty Water Dogs, right?  #1, Don’t patronize me, #2, Who are the people who write these ads? Are they based in Atlanta or something? Or are the ads for tourists? “Hey there Johnny New Yorker (*wink*), what do you say we go to the top of the Empire State Building, eat a giant pretzel, and pay our respects at Ground Zero, just like real New Yorkers do every single day? Oh, and be sure to pick up some Tide on the taxi ride home!”

Did You Know That I Have A Email List?

That’s right! It’s called Weird Personal Emails, and it’s the best way to keep up with whatever I’m doing at the moment. Only a small part of it is plugs, though. I mostly use it to send out exclusive original content that is only available to subscribers, with rants, confessions, recipes, lists, pop culture recommendations, and some shit-talking that I would never post in a more permanent format. You’ll never get more than one email per week. Sign up today!

No Way In Hell is My Boyfriend Getting Out Of Apple Picking This Year, & More for Reductress!

woman-fall-autumnI have so many new Reductress posts to share with you this week! I’m exhausted. Enjoy:

“Jeremy better buckle the fuck up, because I’m not playing around this autumn. If he thinks he’s going to make it to November without painting miniature pumpkins and gourds, he is one sorely mistaken motherfucker.”
- No Way In Hell is My Boyfriend Getting Out Of Apple Picking This Year

“All moms face the same headaches on holiday getaways—the long car rides full of fighting, the hassle to get everyone settled at the motel, the creak of the floorboards as you slip out in the night.”
- I Needed a Vacation From My Vacation! So I Abandoned My Family Forever.

“Say, ‘I just want one bite.’ Who can argue with that? It’s not like you’re some big dessert person who’s going to wolf down the whole thing. You just want a taste. You can stop anytime you want. Dessert people can’t stop; that’s the difference.”
- How To Let The Waitress Know That You Aren’t Normally A Dessert Person, But Everything Just Looks So Good Here

“Florals and groovy prints are popping up all over the place! Blouses, dresses, and even coats all seem a little bit funkier now that the ‘60s have returned. What do they want from us? Weren’t the ‘90s enough for them? Will it EVER be enough for them?”
The ‘60s Are Back! Why Won’t They Just Leave Us Alone?

Here, Listen to Some Good Music. {Playlist}

I recently took over as the Music Editor of BUST Magazine, which is proving to be an amazing gig! Today I posted an interview I got to do with Orenda Fink about her new album; we talked about Jungian dream therapy, sexism she faced in Azure Ray, and what losing her dog taught her. It was one of my favorite interviews that I’ve ever done and actually made me cry, which was extremely professional.

The only downside to this job is that I hear way too much good music for us to ever be able to cover.

I know. That is not an actual problem.

The point is, I’ll be sharing some tunes. In no particular order, here are some things I’ve been listening to this week:

Continue reading Here, Listen to Some Good Music. {Playlist}

Reductress: Teens in Crisis: Are Feathered Earrings Giving Your Daughter Bird Mites?

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The threat of contracting bird mites has risen in recent years as feathers have become fashionable jewelry and hair accessories. Teen style blogger Jenni Jaye confirms: “It’s all about the feaths. It’s like a very Native American, Coachella moment right now, and literally every girl is dangling her feathered accessories into a chicken coop or cardinal’s nest trying to snag some sick accessories.”

Teens in Crisis: Are Feathered Earrings Giving Your Daughter Bird Mites? (Reductress)

I reported on a new #teencrisis for Reductress!

“I Think I’m Going To Be Sick:” The Real Housewives of New York City, Season 6, Episode 20

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And so it all ends here.

What was this season? Was it the worst Housewives season ever? The fakest? The dullest? The death knell for the entire Housewives empire?

As a finale, this one fell pretty flat for me. And that’s saying something considering someone threw her fake leg across the room. Even that gesture rang hollow to me. (I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

Continue reading “I Think I’m Going To Be Sick:” The Real Housewives of New York City, Season 6, Episode 20