#MyYOLO: I Faced Sexism In a Colonial Village

colonialwoman2I never thought I would be treated differently for my gender in 2014, until I played a character living in 1795. Stephensonville Colony is a restored colonial village where actors bring history to life. I was employed as a character there for the longest six months of my life. Working there, I felt like women’s rights were set back at least 50 years!

As a new drama BFA with a minor in history, I thought Stephensonville would be the perfect place to share my craft and mastery of an old-timey British “ahck-sent” (lol!). It turned out that it was just a ploy for men to control me. From the moment I was hired at Stephensonville, I was told what to wear, where to go, and what to say when a visitor pointed out the fire extinguisher in the stables (”GET OUT”).

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*Sponsored Post* Hobby Lobby Items That Women Can Go Fuck Themselves With!

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*Sponsored Post* I’m so excited to be working with Hobby Lobby, my favorite store for buying crafts on the cheap and for getting them bagged by workers without basic healthcare! Hobby Lobby just gets that real America is on a budget, and that includes corporations, too, okay? Love me some bargains!

When Hobby Lobby approached me about writing some sponcon (that’s how we in the biz refer to sponsored content), I had just the thing. Here are some fun, affordable Hobby Lobby items that women can use to go fuck themselves!

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“I Look Like Humpty Dumpty:” The Real Housewives of New York City, Season 6, Episode 16

Me, checking my clock and realizing there were 35 more minutes in this episode.
Me, realizing there were 35 more minutes left in this episode.

I will never forgive Kristen for making me side with Sheryl Sandberg this week. We should #BanBossy. I’m starting to agree with Brian Moylan that this trip to Montana was just designed to bore these Housewives to tears to get them fighting as much as possible. The arguments aren’t even making sense anymore!

A little programming note here: if you haven’t seen the episode, first of all, don’t. There are much better ways to spend 40+ minutes, like drawing a picture of Montana from memory, then crumpling it into a ball. More importantly, I realized recently that my “recaps” don’t actually do that much recapping. It’s more commentary than recap.

We still cool? Let’s go through the episode and see what else we can #ban!

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Reductress: Lana Del Rey Actually Dead Girl Who Mysteriously Drowned in Lake

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“I think it was that Kendrick boy,” said local eccentric Mrs. Moody, a beekeeper who can often be found wandering the shores of Lake Silence, and a fan of the song, “Summertime Sadness”. “One time I saw him drive his Thunderbird down to the White Horse Gentlemen’s Club with another woman in the front seat. She looked just like Elizabeth, but she had shocking red hair. It was a strange thing. A strange, strange thing.”

Lana Del Rey Actually Dead Girl Who Mysteriously Drowned in Lake (Reductress)

Check out my latest for Reductress!

Reductress: Cute Pride Weekend Outfits That Won’t Turn Off Homophobic Dudes

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“Pride weekend is coming up, and you know what that means: crashing your gay friends’ parties to meet straight dudes!”

I’m so excited to share my first post for Reductress, one of my favorite sites and The Onion of women’s media! Everyone who contributes to the site is so fucking funny and I’m really honored to be working with them. Now, the link to my horribly offensive piece!

Cute Pride Weekend Outfits That Won’t Turn Off Homophobic Dudes (Reductress)

“Lookit that Beeyah:” The Real Housewives of New York City, Season 6, Episode 15

Welcome to Missoula! Population: 3.
Welcome to Missoula! Population: 3.

I know, I know, I missed recapping last week’s episode. In my defense, I was doing very important research at the Vassar College reunion weekend, where my class (2009) and Aviva Drescher’s (1994) were convening on campus. Sadly, I did not spot her, even as I was being turned away from the class of 1994′s bar and asked to leave their much nicer reception, but reader, know that I was always thinking of you. And of free booze. Okay, mostly the free booze.

Last week’s episode was boring as fuck though, no? A facialist who reads too many gossip blogs, Sideboob Sonja’s victory lap, Aviva attempting to sexually link a pageant queen to her octogenarian father… SNOOZE.

We learn so much from these Housewives, don’t we? I mean, we mostly learn what NOT to do, but still, that’s useful information. This week, let’s talk about the Do’s and Don’ts they brought to the table as 5 out of 6 Housewives (plus the freelance Housewife) embarked on a Montana adventure.

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“I Feel Like Elvis On the Toilet:” The Real Housewives of New York City, Season 6, Episode 13

See, Ramona was listening at the facial yoga lesson last year.
See, Ramona was listening at the facial yoga lesson last year.

Did you guys feel it, too? I guess it’s easy to just accept the universe of this show as it is and forget that it was once something different, some place where people didn’t make non-cast members cry, or laugh off women being molested.

I really miss Bethenny, you guys. She had that rare combination of acerbic wit, brutal honesty, and narcissist coping skills from a dysfunctional childhood. Even though she was never actually a housewife, she was the best at being a Housewife. I have to wonder how different the show would be if she were still on it, calling out people’s behavior, and maybe even talking some sense into Andy Cohen behind the scenes.

I’m not about to start writing Bethenny fanfic… Alright, I’m not about to start publishing my Bethenny fanfic. But I am going to continue the challenge of changing my recap format each week. This week, could we take the time to review the episode and see when we missed Bethenny the most, on a scale of 1 to 10? Let’s do that.

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