Listen to me talk about The Real Housewives on The Sleeper Hit podcast!


I was a guest on Meryl Williams’s great podcast The Sleeper Hit, where guests talk about what’s underrated in pop culture, over drinks! I talked about Bravo’s The Real Housewives, a/k/a my greatest passion in life. We also talked about the new Harry Potter book, pumpkin spice, and lots of other things. Download it or listen here! Or, you might as well subscribe on iTunes, since you’re going to want to anyway.

44 Totally Unfuckable Presidents

This piece was originally published on Medium.


I’m getting married in a couple weeks, and as a part of my journey to find love, I’ve been doing a lot of self-questioning. It’s recently come to my attention that there is yet to be a fuckable President of the United States. I would not fuck them in the White House. I would not fuck them in a blue blouse. I would not fuck a silver fox. I would not let them in my box.

Here’s a list of my sexual opinions:


1. George Washington — While I respect the hell out of his #childfree lifestyle, I do have to wonder if everything was working alright down there. He never managed to knock Martha up, and it’s not like that bitch was on the pill.

2. John Adams — This guy just doesn’t “get it” when it comes to women. Have you read Abigail’s letters begging him to think about women’s rights when he was about to FORM AN ENTIRE NEW GOVERNMENT, and his condescending, mansplaining replies? I’m getting a rage headache just thinking about them. He defff couldn’t find the clit.

3. Thomas Jefferson — HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Let’s not even start with this tire fire.


4. James Madison — Straight-up looks like Sam the Eagle from the Muppets. Plus he has a weird, heart-shaped hairline. Frankly, I’d rather fuck the Muppet.

5. James Monroe — He’s the reason we have Florida. NEXT!

6. John Quincy Adams — Not into dudes whose whole life plans are so clearly centered around gaining their fathers’ approval. Take those Daddy issues to the track!

Continue reading “44 Totally Unfuckable Presidents”

You’re Invited to: My Candidate Reveal Party!


Originally posted on Medium.

What’s up, Facebook friend! I know it’s been a long time since we’ve spoken in person, or even “Liked” each other’s new profile pics, but I want you to know that I cherish our memories together. (Although, I can’t quite place you, to be honest. Were you the girl who started dating the football coach like a month after we graduated?)

I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’ve been disarmingly quiet about politics on social media this election cycle. Or rather, I’ve been non-committally liberal — I’ve “Liked” both a video of Bernie hugging a bird and a picture of Hillary Clinton texting a pair of sunglasses. “Wow, how mysterious!” you probably thought. “Who supports both Democratic candidates? Her heart and her head must be in constant battle, like a Selena Gomez song! When will she pick a side?”

The truth is, I do know who I’m voting for, but I’ve been waiting to announce it because I wanted to do it in the most awesome, most SEO-friendly way possible! Today, I’ll be hosting a Candidate Reveal Party to let all my social media channels know who’s got my vote, and you’re invited! Am I #Burning4Her, or am I #WithHim? I hope you can come, or at least bump up the numbers on my Periscope feed!

Continue reading “You’re Invited to: My Candidate Reveal Party!”