1. Jim Gordon’s apartment in Gotham. Goddamnit, he’s a rookie cop. What is he doing living in the DUMBO Clock Tower? I always thought the comics’ portrayal of his simple family life in the suburbs was one of its strengths. Now Barbara owns an art gallery or something? What the fuck? TV execs, stop being so uncomfortable with the middle class! I bet the people responsible for this decision were also in favor of Meryl Streep’s character renovating her perfect, enormous kitchen in It’s Complicated. “Well, yeah, I mean it only has room to hang every spotless copper pot she owns, plus there’s a restaurant-quality industrial stove. Yuck. Major facelift needed.”
2. Wedding diet contagion. In olden times, only the bride fell prey to the idea that weddings are about being thin. Nowadays, whenever there’s a wedding, everyone on the guest list gets all crazy about needing to lose weight. I’ve seen a groom give up carbs. I’ve seen a best man go on a juice cleanse. I’ve seen an aunt who is merely attending up her Curves attendance by 50%. FUCK THAT SHIT. Stop living vicariously through the bride’s sexism-enforced body dysmorphia! Enjoy the buffet and calm the fuck down. You can’t even see your body in those photo booth pictures.
3. When you have to try six times to come up with a “secure” enough password for something like Goodreads. I’m not really that concerned about someone hacking in and… what, changing my Favorites to be all Dilbert collections? Nah, I’m good. Maybe my password doesn’t need uppercase letters, lowercase letters, a number, a special character, a webding, AND an emoji?
4. When ads in the subway unsuccessfully pander to New Yorkers. You see this all the time. Advertisers try to be down with real New Yorkers, but they end up representing a New York experience that only tourists have. For example, there’s an ad for a detergent that can even get out the mustard from “that hot dog you had on the street.” Um, you guys know we call them Dirty Water Dogs, right? #1, Don’t patronize me, #2, Who are the people who write these ads? Are they based in Atlanta or something? Or are the ads for tourists? “Hey there Johnny New Yorker (*wink*), what do you say we go to the top of the Empire State Building, eat a giant pretzel, and pay our respects at Ground Zero, just like real New Yorkers do every single day? Oh, and be sure to pick up some Tide on the taxi ride home!”