You’re Invited to: My Candidate Reveal Party!

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Originally posted on Medium.

What’s up, Facebook friend! I know it’s been a long time since we’ve spoken in person, or even “Liked” each other’s new profile pics, but I want you to know that I cherish our memories together. (Although, I can’t quite place you, to be honest. Were you the girl who started dating the football coach like a month after we graduated?)

I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’ve been disarmingly quiet about politics on social media this election cycle. Or rather, I’ve been non-committally liberal — I’ve “Liked” both a video of Bernie hugging a bird and a picture of Hillary Clinton texting a pair of sunglasses. “Wow, how mysterious!” you probably thought. “Who supports both Democratic candidates? Her heart and her head must be in constant battle, like a Selena Gomez song! When will she pick a side?”

The truth is, I do know who I’m voting for, but I’ve been waiting to announce it because I wanted to do it in the most awesome, most SEO-friendly way possible! Today, I’ll be hosting a Candidate Reveal Party to let all my social media channels know who’s got my vote, and you’re invited! Am I #Burning4Her, or am I #WithHim? I hope you can come, or at least bump up the numbers on my Periscope feed!

Continue reading “You’re Invited to: My Candidate Reveal Party!”

The Cool Teen’s Guide to: New Year’s Eve

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Hey, teens! Want to know “whazzup” with New Year’s Eve? It’s your lucky day: infoTEENment Publications is making The Cool Teen’s Guide to: New Year’s Eve available to you for FREE! You can read the entire guide below, or print it here (just be sure to select “double-sided” on your printer). And be sure to check out other exciting Cool Teen’s Guide titles HERE!

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Read more Cool Teen’s Guides at infoteenment.net!

 

Save Money This Holiday Season by Starting a Facebook Feud With Your Family (Reductress)

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Politics: It’s time to get involved!

Who doesn’t love a heated Facebook debate about gun control? All of your family members, that’s who! Just make sure to challenge a broad range of views, and if anyone questions your flip-flopping, don’t worry; you’re simply “playing Devil’s advocate…” all the way to the bank!”

Save Money This Holiday Season by Starting a Facebook Feud With Your Family (Reductress)

Check out my latest helpful holiday hintz for Reductress!

Dying Woman Donates Her Pussy to Drake (Reductress)

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Phillips has been a fan of the sensitive Canadian rapper for years. “It’s clear that there is a real need here,” she says. “I mean, for a minute it seemed like he might be able to lock down Rihanna, but that fell apart. Sometimes I just ask God why some people have so much pussy while others have so little.”

Dying Woman Donates Her Pussy to Drake (Reductress)

Bold Androgynous Haircuts For Perfectly Symmetrical Faces (Reductress)

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“This boyish, dynamic style could be your next great look, if you have the kind of bone structure that inspires marble sculptures. This look would be so dangerous on anyone with an imperfect face, but it’s perfect for you!”

Bold Androgynous Haircuts For Perfectly Symmetrical Faces (Reductress)

Reductress: Woman Still Doing Modified Workout After 20 Years

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Woman Still Doing Modified Workout After 20 Years (Reductress)

“I invited Helen to a yoga class once,” says Cosentino, a friend of Schmulsky’s from church. “I thought it would be good for her to shake things up, but she ended up spending most of the class in child’s pose. I even saw her use a foam block once. Why would anyone need a foam block for child’s pose?”

Check out my latest for Reductress!