Bridesmaid Dishonorably Discharged

bridesmaiddischarged

This is a piece I originally read at the May 19, 2015 Animal Farm Reading Series in Brooklyn, NY.

In the wedding of Brianna Clark v. Jason Montessori, it was determined late Sunday night that bridesmaid Jane Woods, the bride’s former college roommate, would be permanently removed from the wedding party effective immediately. The bridesmaid’s dishonorable discharge was determined by Ms. Clark and her panel of trusted advisors, including her sister, hair colorist, and the forums of TheKnot.com.

Miss Woods was dismissed for being uncooperative, unenthusiastic, and per Ms. Clark, “doesn’t even seem to care about other people’s weddings that much.”

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